Forgiveness and Commitment

as i let go of the past regarding my mentor, it surprisingly is helping me to release a lot of the burden toward my parents...its helping me to understand many things about myself, my own life, the life that i live, that its not dependent on what my mother says or doesnt say, that i dont need to be influenced by her behavior, that thats my choice to let it bother me or not, i can choose to let it bother me all the while my mother going on her own life, or i can choose to not let it bother me and both of us living out our lives, but somehow the first brings me justice, to hold it against her, but im tired of that life, of how it brews inside of me, eating me alive, not being able to do what i want in fear of a backlash, tired of living in that fear...so i thought that i needed to have a talk w/ her, but that too im slowly realizing that i already had a talk w/ her the last time i was home and how many "talks" is it going to take...?...what do i really want to accomplish, do i merely want to control her as she did me, to see justice, which is when i realized that it starts now, that i choose to forgive now, that i choose not to let it bother me starting now, that the choices that i make are good choices and i dont need to listen to this voice inside my head replicating all the years of my mother yelling and screaming at me
then today, as i was talking w/ p.rob, i realized something interesting, that all this time of rebelling, of deep feelings of non-commitment, wasnt there, that instead i actually genuinely was actually for commitment, that i am actually looking forward to commiting to something, that i actually saw some good in making the commitment
who would have known that the 2 would be so related