value from God

so funny...well funny now...not funny a week ago
last week was by far the hardest week i had this whole year, the hardest since nakama started
im really being tested by God to see if i really get my value from God or from people. i have a real tendency to seek my value and worth by how people look/view me. so when people criticize me i really get down and i really lose sight of everything else. its so much easier for me to focus on the negative and hard to believe the positive things
there are 2 people in the group that really make it/life difficult for me...and they couldnt have picked a more opportune moment to lay it on...i mean minutes before the camp! i mean come on!
so needless to say i was out that whole day...i mean my feathers were so ruffled that all my attention was on what this one person criticized me about...the second day i was somewhat better and was able to do the teaching that day but then after getting back after the camp, the whole week, i was still mulling this thing over and over in my head
then i talked to rob and as always just had that perfect bit of wisdom to make things straight. if God can use me i have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the words the message he gives me, that i would be able to deliver it no matter what, no matter what happens, no matter who should say what, to just keep telling yourself where your value lies, to seek affirmation from God that i have been called to lead this group and thats not going to change just because someone says otherwise
and now its gotten A WHOLE LOT better!
because as soon as i felt it was better of course there comes that email to test to see how much better, and i was able to not let it affect me
i mean this person rags me out totally out to dry an hour before the camp, doesnt talk to me the entire time, minutes before we're about to leave busts out again w/ some comments, gives me an email of apologies, but then again right after nakama on saturday i get this email ragging me out!!!
i dont like it...i hope it stops...but it probably wont and i cant expect the person to change...i want the person to change...but no matter, i get my value from God

but this week, we're meeting for our helpers meeting which is like for those who are involved w/ nakama and we just gather for dinner and talk/share/pray and im afraid these judas' are out to plot/scheme something...my friend said let them, better just let them show their true colors...i guess thats as close to i'll ever know of how jesus felt as he walked to the garden